Believe it or not, this special has one major thing in common with an anime called Slayers Premium. Both movies are saved by an actor named Crispin Freeman. No, really! Follow Evil Frosty and find out how!!
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The
Haunted Holidays special is a new mini-movie that's included on a compulation DVD called "
13 Spooky Tales: Holiday Thrills and Chills". In addition to the new special, it has about a dozen random Scooby episodes from various incarnations that share a Winter Time theme (but I'm only gonna touch on the new one).
SPOILER ALERT: I'm re-capping the whole movie. So if you don't want to know the ending before watching it, turn back now.
Our story begins with a Christmas parade in the main street of an unnamed town.
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Daphne and Velma are working as "booth babes" on the parade float and tossing out candy canes to the crowd. Turns out they've been hired to use their sweet assets to promote Menkle's Toy Store.
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While the girls are objectifying themselves in front of a massive crowd, Fred is hanging out with the owner of Menkle's Toy Store and his nephew, Crispin Freeman (the character has a name; but I forgot it once I heard Freeman's voice. So that's what I shall call him in this review. XD).
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Fred praises Mr Menkle for throwing a successful (and sexy) Christmas parade. But the old fart simply storms off in a huff and acts like a grumpy bastard. Crispin Freeman apologizes for his uncle's rudeness and explains that the toy store is in bad shape and that, if they don't do well this Christmas, the store will have to close down.
Cut to Shaggy and Scooby screaming at Velma and Daphne to toss some candy their way.
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Velma obliges. But she overshoots and ends up tossing the candy onto the lawn of a spooky mansion that is randomly sitting between two large skyscrapers.
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Shaggy and Scooby chase the candy only to get attacked by a scary shape-shifting snowman!!
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After this we cut to the stylized opening credits that this series of movies likes to do. Sadly, this one is not very good. There's no song nor catchy music. It's just chibi versions of the gang running from a snowman for about 20 seconds.
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Also (and this is gonna sound petty), it bugs me a bit that they look like chibi versions of the
Mystery Incorporated designs. And not just because I have...
mixed feelings about that show. I just prefer to see these opening sequences take full advantage of the chance to go wild with different stylistic choices and designs for the characters. So simply making the MI designs cuter just comes across as lazy to me.
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...also, the MI designs coupled with the winter outfits just reminds me of that show's horrific
"date rape" episode. >_<
**shudder**
Anyhoo, cutting back to the snowman attack:
While the credits were rolling, a MASSIVE SNOWSTORM CAME RIGHT THE F**K OUT OF NOWHERE!!!!
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Seriously, before the credits it was a nice winter day. And then we come back and *BOOM* night time blizzard!
Oh, and apparently Menkle's float was running on a Ford Pinto engine. Because it erupts into a MASSIVE EXPLOSION when another car slams into it!
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Thankfully, Daphne, Velma, and the guy playing Santa managed to jump off in time. But they really should have filed a lawsuit because that thing was clearly unsafe to ride on.
After that, Evil-Frosty vomits ice breath on Scooby Doo for no reason and traps him in a block of ice. Shaggy reacts to this by riding him into the nearby store like a skateboard.
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You'd expect him to panic or something. But once he gets inside, he simply punches the ice, it falls off Scooby, and Scooby isn't even phased by it. I guess dogs can't be hurt if you freeze them for minutes at a time. Good to know.
Crispin Freeman tells the kids that Evil-Frosty is actually "The Sinister Snowman". A beast that has terrorized his family for years and is now forcing them to cancel Christmas and sell the store. The gang asks him to elaborate. But he simply runs off and tells them that he wants to check on his Grumpy Uncle. But before he goes, he warns them not to go outside and promises to tell them everything later.
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Once Crispin Freeman is gone, the Santa Actor starts grumbling about how much Christmas sucks for no reason. Shaggy tries to tell him that now isn't really a good time for that; but he just keeps bitching about how he's a legit actor and playing Santa is demeaning. Apparently, the idea of just saying "no" when offered the Santa gig never occured to him
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After that, Bad-Santa storms out of the store and ignores the blizzard, the monster, and all the people in the building (including his two hot co-workers) begging him to stay inside. I think you can guess what happens next....
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They hear Bad-Santa scream the moment he's out of sight. Fred tries to go after him; but Daphne pulls him back inside and tells him there's nothing they can do for Bad-Santa and they should close the doors and block out his cries for help.
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Dang, girlfriend. That's cold (no pun intended).
Since they're stuck in the building anyway, the gang opts to head to Grumpy Uncle's office to try and get to the bottom of this. They get in the elevator and stop in a creepy room full of frozen elf statues and large gears
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Turns out this is the inside of the store's old clock tower (the one that stopped working years ago). All the clock componets are completely frozen because of the snow. Apparently, Grumpy Uncle was too dumb to put up a tarp or a wall or something to protect the inside of his building from the elements. Which is pretty ridiculous when you consider that the door to his office is inside the frozen clock room!
Seriously, his heating bills must be outrageous! No wonder his store is going broke!
Anyhoo, Velma walks in to question him and he immediately starts screaming "
GET OUT! YOU ARE DOOMED!!!" over and over and then he uses a button to slam the door in the gang's faces.
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Crispin Freeman walks in to warn the gang that his uncle has been acting kinda psycho since the parade (thanks for the timely warning, dude) and then the janitor randomly walks in. He tells the kids that the phones are DEAD (his emphasis, not mine), there's no cell phone reception, and the blizzard has them trapped in the store with no way out. Then, having served his purpose as the additional red herring of this story, he simply walks away.
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We then cut to a large meeting room and Crispin Freeman starts telling them about the Sinister Snowman (after staring wistfully at photos of his uncle before he turned all grouchy and insane).
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Turns out that an old hermit used to live at the creepy mansion we saw earlier. The old man did not like seeing sky scrapers go up all around his neighborhood and stubbornly refused to move away. The opening of Menkle's Toy Store 20 years ago (and their annoying giant Christmas clock) was the last straw for him.
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Seeing those creepy, CGI elves ringing bells all December made him go crazy. And it's not hard to understand why. I mean, just look at them:
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Crispin Freeman says that the old man became so full of hate that he screamed a lot and that somehow turned him into a Snowman Monster. The Sinister Snowman froze the clock before disappearing. And the clock hasn't worked sense.
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*sigh* If that poor old man had just watched the movie
Up, he could have found a better way. :(
Crispin Freeman concludes that the old hermit MUST have possessed his uncle and made him crazy. I'm not sure how the hermit can possess the Uncle AND terrorize the town in the form of a snowman at the same time. But I'm guessing it involves horcruxes or something.
The gang decides to throw caution to the wind and brave a dangerous blizzard to solve this mystery because they are insane. But first, Daphne and Velma change out of their degrading elf costumes and into their classic Winter Garb from
Scooby Doo: Where Are You.
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Unfortunately, as much as I appreciate the nod to the classic series, the fact that Velma changes into an outfit that provides LESS protection from the cold than her goofy elf costume is hard to ignore. It's actually a bit distracting because they're going out into a WINDY BLIZZARD and all I can think is "
how the hell is she staying decent and not freezing her legs & lady parts off!?!?". I'd expect Daphne to sacrifice comfort and warmth for the sake of looking sexy; but Velma is supposed to be the
practical one!!
Anyway, the gang
steals borrows some stuff from the toy store and sets out for the creepy mansion.
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And Scooby learns the hard way that tennis racquets don't make good snow shoes for dogs.
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We also learn that Velma's skirt is apparently glued to her butt because no amount of wind is able to move it above her thigh.
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Sorry. I know I'm putting a creepy amount of focus on Velma's winter mini-skirt. But dammit, I come from the land of the Santa Ana winds. And I know that loose mini-skirts are a girl's worst enemy when it's windy outside! So it's hard for me NOT to focus on it.
*ahem* Back on topic....
Freddy acts dorky and plays with the kaledoscope and walkie-talkies before Velma tells him to stop acting like a toddler and get his ass inside the mansion (probably because the cold is quickly stealing her ability to feel anything below the waist).
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Freddy uses a MacGuyver-esque contraption to illegally break into someone else's property because he's the hero of this story!
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The gang walks inside the house and sees that it looks like it came straight out of
Silent Hill: Shattered Memories (so it's not really scary at all **rimshot**).
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Fred splits the gang up as usual. But he makes the bone-headed choice to let Velma go off alone instead of pairing her off with either him and Daphne or Shaggy and Scooby. That's right. He's lets the smallest lady on the team go off all by her lonesome in a big, creepy mansion that has G-d knows what lurking inside. I had hoped that these movies were toning down the "dumbass Fred" characterization that certain recent incarnations are fond of. But I guess not.
I was also miffed because this kinda goes against Shaggy's character in this canon, too (there was a scene in
the recent Big Top movie where he started to PANIC when he realized that Velma was by herself while a werewolf was on the loose. So it doesn't seem right that he would let her go off alone in the Icy Death Mansion).
I know, its a minor nit-pik. But it just strikes me as way too reckless and irresponsible (even for Fred). And you'd think Shaggy would insist on staying with Velma (if not for chivalry's sake, than at least because he selfishly wants safety in numbers).
Anyhoo, cut to the attic. Daphne and Fred wander around until Fred finds fireworks and starts squeeing like a little boy and asking Daphne if he can "pretty please" keep them and explode them later. Daphne says "no" because the rockets are evidence and scolds him like a mother scolding her toddler for even thinking of playing with dangerous explosives.
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IMO, this scene is just weird. I don't see why Fred needs her permission to possess fireworks and seeing her talk to him like he's her son is kinda sqicky considering they're supposed to be in an (implied) romantic relationship in these movies.
After that, they notice jars of silver iodide on a nearby shelf. And Daphne points out that silver iodide is used to artificially freeze clouds to make rain and/or snow.
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Wait! How the hell does DAPHNE know this off the top of her head!? As far as I know, this isn't common knowledge to people who don't study weather science. Maybe she knows because a previous culprit tried the same schtick before. But it's still weird that she would randomly know an obscure science fact like that.
After that mess of a scene, we cut to
Leggy McMiniskirt Velma. Surprisingly, she found the kitchen before Shaggy and Scooby. And after the camera gives us a sweet view of her best feature....
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...the door slams shut, scares her, and we cut to Shaggy & Scooby looking at some toy train tracks before the monster finds them and chases them down the hall.
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The Sinister Snowman moves like Clayface and is constantly changing form and expanding/decreasing his size to impede their attempts to escape him. Leading the audience to conclude that there's no way there could be a person underneath that thing.
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We cut back to Velma. She finds a postcard with the message "you'll never see me again" written on it.
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But before she can examine further, Shaggy and Scooby crash through the door and knock her to the ground. Leading to a glasses gag (and a little squee moment for the Shaggy/Velma shippers who are currently taking whatever crumbs canon gives them after
the-show-that-shall-not-be-named crushed their dreams)
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She gets her glasses back on just in time to see the Sinister Snowman take the form of a Sarlacc and charge at them.
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Shaggy, Velma, and Scooby run like hell out into the hallway and run into Fred and Daphne. Literally!
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Fred tosses the silver iodide at the snowman and this buys them just enough time to run back to the store.
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How is that skirt staying down?!?!?The monster freezes the door behind them and traps them inside (apparently, this store only has one entrance/exit. The lack of a loading door in the back must be a real pain for the warehouse employees).
Cut to the gang stratigizing with Crispin Freeman (while the Janitor and Grumpy Uncle look on via security camera).
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Meanwhile, Shaggy and Scooby are stuck standing guard in stupid outfits (at least Fred didn't force the women to protect him this time :P).
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They hear a noise in the store room and discover that the monster got in through a tiny vent.
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Shaggy calls Fred on his stolen walkie-talkie to tell him that the monster is inside. So Fred and the girls head to the boiler room to prepare a trap. Unfortunately, the Sinister Snowman is waiting for them. Since they're trapped in the elevator with nowhere to run; the Sinister Snowman freezes them in a block of ice and just leaves them there. What a way to go.
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-Daphne: Fred you picked a VERY bad time to cop a feel!!![]()
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We cut to poor Shaggy and Scooby (who don't realize that their friends are out of commission). They run into Santa-Guy and, surprisingly, he's a lot more helpful this time around and assists them in evading the monster.
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After reaching the clock tower opening, Shaggy tries screaming for help. But the police below can't hear him. Santa-Guy sees a set of tools and says that he can fix the clock and that seeing it active again might get the people on the street to notice them.
Cut to the trio still stuck in the ice block. Fred manages to free his arm and push the elevator button.
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The force of the door closing breaks the ice and sets them all free. And, despite being trapped in a block of solid ice for at LEAST 5 minutes, none of them experience even mild discomfort. Not even the girl who was wearing
a goddam mini-skirt.
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I know. I know. It's silly to harp on logic in a Scooby cartoon. But my suspension of disbelief only stretches so far. I could let it go in a goofy series like
Where Are You or
A Pup Named Scooby Doo. But I just can't swallow it in this canon.
Back to Santa-Guy: He gets the clock working right before the Snowman breaks in.
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The creepy elves start moving again and Shaggy and Scooby start using them for cover. And just as the monster closes in on them, one of the creepy elves beans him with a mallet!
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Fred, Velma, and Daphne arrive just in time to steal Shaggy and Scooby's thunder and unmask the Snowman. And the culprit is......
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CRISPIN FREEMAN!!!!
After Crispin Freeman is unmasked, Grumpy Uncle, the janitor, and a team of cops come in.
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Grumpy Uncle says that money has been missing from the store lately and he just now realized that Crispin Freeman was stealing from him to finance the Sinister Snowman scheme.
And here's where it gets REALLY stupid!
During this episode, the audience gets no clues that point to Crispin Freeman's guilt (except for the painfully obvious fact that Grumpy Uncle and the Janitor were blatant red herrings). He has no clear motive and nothing the gang finds during the investigation points to him specifically. But the rundown tries to convince us otherwise...
-Fred says that he started suspecting Crispin Freeman when he found the rockets and silver iodide in the mansion:
No you didn't, Fred!! All you did was ask your girlfriend to give you permission to play with them. And besides, ANYONE could have left those there!!!
-Shaggy concludes that Crispin Freeman put a model of his Sinister Snowman suit on the toy train tracks so he could be present during an attack and no one would suspect him:
You expect me to believe
SHAGGY figured this out? Really, movie? REALLY?
Also, this theory doesn't hold water because they never found an extra Sinister Snowman model during their investigation (so they have no evidence to back up this accusation).
-Daphne concludes that he used liquid nitrogen and "ice nanites" to make a shape-shifting Snowman suit:
First of all, WTF are "ice nanites"!?!? And second of all, how does some spoiled trust fund brat know how to use them!?!? Is he self-taught? Did he major in Super Villain technology in college? If so, why is he working at his Uncle's Toy Store?
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Crispin Freeman tells everyone that he used the legend of the Sinister Snowman to make his uncle look insane so he could inherit the business and sell it. Methinks he could have gotten rich MUCH quicker if he sold that snowman costume to the military (or a super villain or Al Queda or whatever) as a weapon. Or he could have applied his expert robotic skills to a high paying career in engineering or Hollywood special effects.
And remember, the toy store was FAILING FINANCIALLY because of the Snowman attacks. So, if Crispin Freeman's plan had succeeded, he would have inherited a bankrupt business that nobody would want to buy and a metric ton of debt. And he would have been saddling that debt alone because his Uncle would presumably be locked in a crazy old folks home. So nothing about this plan makes sense
After Crispin Freeman mentions the legend of the crazy old hermit, Velma produces the postcard that she found at the mansion. It reveals that the old hermit moved to Miami 20 years ago (the postcard was addressed to his hired help that he left behind).
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Gee Velma. You couldn't have let your friends in on that little tidbit of information BEFORE you unmasked the actual culprit!? Granted, no one actually believed that an old dude turned into a snowman because a clock pissed him off. But you really should have shared that clue with the gang anyway. This isn't
Mystery Incorporated. You don't need to be a secretive jerkass and hide information to protect yourself from your asshole "friends".
Oh, and if you're wondering why the old geezer didn't sell the house instead of paying maids/butlers/etc to care for a place he never intended to set foot in ever again...keep wondering. Because this is never explained.
Anyhoo, the one bright spot in this is that we get to hear Crispin Freeman say the classic "meddling kids" line. And being Crispin Freeman, he hams the HELL out of it (i.e. lots of angry screaming at the dog)! And I am desperately searching for an excuse to use that audio in a Slayers AMV or something. XD
Velma asks Shaggy how he fixed the clock. And Scooby tells them that Bad-Santa fixed it. But Daphne tells them it can't be him and points outside to show them that Bad-Santa is tied up in a dumpster down the block and has presumably been stuck there all night.
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I assume he managed to survive the same way Velma managed to avoid getting frostbite all over her upper thighs (Christmas miracle?).
Speaking of Christmas miracles, we get the cliche "OMG Santa is real after all" scene before cutting to the next day...
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NEXT DAY.
The creepy clock elves somehow draw in customers.
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And the toy store is bustling with activity. But more importantly, we finally get to see the boys put on demeaning elf costumes!
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Grumpy Uncle is no longer grumpy (I guess being betrayed by his only living relative didn't hurt him emotionally at all!!).
And since Bad-Santa didn't come back, they had to get someone else to fill in.
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As much as I've trashed this special, I can't deny that this ending scene is adorable. So I'll just show it without snark.
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In conclusion: I honestly expected better. I know it's only a 30-minute short. But the Olympics short (
which I reviewed here) managed to tell a good story with only 30 minutes to work with and I was kinda hoping that they'd put more effort into a Christmas special than a cartoon made to promote the Winter Olympics (and sell extra copies of a DVD featuring a really crappy old Hanna-Barbera show).
But still, the animation was pretty and I got a kick out of hearing Crispin Freeman screaming "
YOU MEDDLING KIDS!!!!!" like the hammy, over-acting crazy man that he is. The role he played was boring; but you can tell he tried his best to have fun with it and make the most of snagging a role in an iconic franchise and getting to say "the line".
Final Verdict: If you can catch this on TV, its worth a watch. But I wouldn't shell out money for the DVD unless you find it in the bargain bin. The old episodes included on the disc get points for variety and showcasing different incarnations. But they're not worth paying full price for (unless you're a Scrappy fan and you're itching to see two of his Christmas specials).
